Today I got dressed – but it wasn’t as simple as that.
I woke up at 4am and laid in bed for a further 6 hours before I could gather enough energy to get out of bed.
I’ve recently upped my medication and so I am feeling very vulnerable – I’ve also had a break out. Lit kill me.
I decided I’d go out and get some air, I have things to do anyway. I did my make up the way I normally would and added extra concealer to cover those spots.
I took one look at myself in natural lighting and cried my eyes out. My chin was orange. My spots weren’t covered. My lips looked uneven. My face fat. My pores open. I felt complete disgust.
I did what any girl would do and tried to amend the orange patch – I added a paler foundation to cover it. It got worse.
Back to bed. Face bright orange and mascara streaks everywhere – staring out my window and reflecting on how the weather mirrored my emotions.
It took another 30 mins of laying in my pool of self hate. I got up. I removed my make up and I put my hair up.
A small victory occurred today; I got dressed. And you make think, well how is that a victory? I could’ve quite simply given up and stayed in that same position for the rest of the day. But I didn’t. I pushed through and I got dressed.
If you’re feeling vulnerable and sad and depressed and anxious and you manage to get dressed; treat yourself. You did it and you will continue to do it.
Today, I got dressed.