19:31 thoughts

Depression. Of course you want to get out of it – or do you?

With my depression comes anxiety and I constantly wonder what will happen to me if I get better? Who will I be? Will I still be lost?

Because at least if I am depressed, I know who I am.

I know you’re thinking “how could you not want to get better?” And I do. I really and truly do but I panic for myself. Depression and anxiety are what I know – without those, who am I?

Will I like who I am? Will I become untidy? Will I stop being a perfectionist? Are my traits a result of my mental illness or are they who I am?

No one can answer those questions for me. It’s scary. It makes me feel fragile. There is no midnight hotline that can tell me I’m going to be just fine and I’ll know exactly who I am.

What if I land right back into depression because the thought of not knowing who I am makes me depressed?


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