Nine to Seven.

I’m not sure there’s a best place to start with this subject…

Weight Loss – My Story.

Most people are not aware that mental illnesses do in fact have physical side effects cos i mean it’s called a mental illness right?

I am one of many who have experienced weight loss – twice severely. I’m not entirely sure whether it would be classed as an eating disorder but i know it was made harder to deal with due to my depression and anxiety. At the time; i never knew i had either mental illnesses…

October 2016

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Right – December 2016 Left – June 2017

Mine (weightloss) started in October 2016 when i became ill and was sent to hospital overnight – i was unable to eat and could barely drink so initially the weight loss couldn’t be helped. I came home on bed rest and my stomach had shrunk – mentally i was pleased with my skinnier body; that’s what society teaches us isn’t it?

Over the next few weeks i couldn’t eat and i would try to hide this. I was unable to eat barely any of my meals and would make excuses so i didn’t have to eat them. I never felt hungry. A tiny voice in my head grew saying, “You’ve had enough now!” “Wouldn’t it be great if you had a smaller waist?”

Not only did i have this voice constantly going at me, i had anxiety. It had crept up on me very quietly. I began throwing up every time i was anxious – when i had to go out, when i got stressed, when i ate, when i cried. I must’ve thrown up 3-4 times a day. I was so terrified of throwing up that i wouldn’t let myself eat cos really what was the point?

I’m a smart girl – i knew my weight before this started was healthy and perfectly normal. I was happy. But the voice took over. The voice grew and grew until i reached 7st exactly. In just two months i’d lost two stone. I’d lost myself.

March 2017

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Recovery. Harrison and i became official and my god did he save me from what i could’ve been. I could never thank him enough for encouraging me and making me feel beautiful on days where i knew i wasn’t. Girls – you know how it is when you get a boyfriend; those pounds pile on!

However it’s not all glory. I am back at a healthy 8st 12lbs – but that voice is there. It’s a constant fight every single day not to return to who i became; it’s a fight everyday not to lose myself again.

Should you be eating that? What if we just drop to eight? What if we just excercise a little? Wouldn’t it be nice if you were a size 6?

Recovery is possibly worse than the downfall – because you can fall again.

 

Please if anyone has similar experiences reach out to me! I’d love to know i’m not alone in this.

love always x

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