Depression is like being trapped in a dark hole and seeing the ladder to get you out; but not being able to climb said ladder. Depression is like an unwanted tenant has moved into your body and you can’t get them to leave. I’ve been dreading writing this one, but its in the title of my blog so it’s gotta be done right?
I have experienced many things; seen many traumatic incidents; learned unforgettable details of past events; been in domestic relationships and suffered from different types of dramas – all of which i was able to block out until last year.
My uncle passed, too young. He was an important figure in my life: he cut my cord because my dad didn’t want me, he tried teaching me to swim, he made me feel safe and secure and gave me unforgettable memories. He was one of the only male figures to stick around and all of a sudden he was gone. My brain couldn’t take this; in order to block out this horrific tragedy, my brain had to release everything else that had been stored away.
Thus my sudden severe depression.
Now; i had always felt unstable. I felt all the symptoms of depression before this but i would put it down to the pill effecting me or period mood swings – this wasn’t the case. You see when you have depression – your brain can constantly convince you that you’re not as bad as other people so you can’t have depression right? WRONG. Everyone experiences their mental illnesses differently, you could have the happiest life in the world and still be depressed.
I always feel tired, little activities can exhaust me – just expressing emotion can make me exhausted. Constantly feeling numb and not caring about myself let alone how others feel. Don’t get me wrong; it’s not that i don’t want to i just simply cannot.
The thing about depression that society doesn’t understand is that you can still smile. You can look completely normal and happy and well but on the inside you can be falling apart and simply not there. Society has produced an idealistic persona for those who are depressed: you must be sad, you must physically harm yourself, you must cry all the time in public, you must dress in black etc etc. This may be the case for some, but not most. In truth, i dress like any other normal person, i work like any other normal person, i don’t harm myself and i try not to cry in public (sometimes that just cannot be helped). So i must be okay? WRONG.
Depression is among you all in society, anyone around you could be depressed and you might not even have the slightest clue. That’s why i believe that you should be kind to absolutely everyone because you just don’t know.
There is a stigma surrounding all mental illnesses and it HAS to STOP. Why can’t i complain about it just as much as Jill over there who broke her leg? Why can’t i have mood swings like Sally over there on her period? Why can’t i sleep for hours on end through the day like Sam over there with the drug problem? Why can’t i take medication without being judged like Ben over there with his bad back? WHY???
I’m not saying we all want to do those things; what i’m saying is we should be able to express or not express in anyway we like without being judged. Like those with physical illnesses.
I have not written everything i wanted or needed to say but i will most likely write another soon.
I would really love to know your thoughts and views on depression, or how you might cope! Please don’t be afraid to comment or message or email me!